Understanding the Cycle of Estrangement & Alienation

I want to address the cycle of estrangement and alienation, which is crucial for understanding how it impacts your ability to connect or reconnect with your children.

This cycle often begins following a high-conflict divorce. It's common for parents to experience intense fear and panic, worrying they'll lose their children.  

Unfortunately, this panic can lead to a preoccupation with 'fixing' the situation, making it difficult to be emotionally present for your children. You may find yourself in survival mode. You are experiencing trauma.

Children however often lack the understanding or empathy for your struggles because they're dealing with their own. They may perceive your emotional absence during their difficult time as a lack of support. They need your presence, stability, and compassion to navigate their own pain.

Therefore, I urge you: resist anger when your children express feeling neglected. Understand that you were focused on surviving your own trauma. Instead of reacting with frustration, try to empathize with their experience. Imagine how they felt during that tumultuous time. Step into their shoes and offer the understanding and compassion they needed then, but didn't receive.

This shift in perspective can make a significant difference in your reconnection journey.

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