Co-Parenting with a Childlike Ex: Strategies for Less Stress.

Let's talk about you, because your well-being is crucial for effective co-parenting. Understand this: the other parent is a permanent fixture in your child's life. You can't erase them, no matter how much you might want to. They will always be there. However, you can take steps to navigate this ongoing connection with less stress.

The absolute priority is working on yourself. Healing is essential for any improvement after the trauma of a high-conflict divorce – and make no mistake, it is a traumatic experience that impacts your emotional health. You can't give fully to others if you're running on empty. Unresolved trauma leads to depletion, making it difficult to offer compassion, understanding, or empathy when issues arise with your ex or child.

Therefore, I strongly encourage my clients to prioritize self-care and self-compassion. While external support is valuable, you are the one who experienced this. You have the power to offer yourself comfort. This can be as simple as talking to yourself during moments of anxiety or overwhelm. Sitting with your coffee and acknowledging, 'I've been through a lot, and it's okay to struggle right now. But I am strong and I will get through this.' Repeating these affirmations, even if it takes time to resonate, provides the self-compassion needed to move forward. I know this works because it has helped me through my own difficult times.

Furthermore, breaking down your defenses is paramount. We all build walls to protect ourselves from perceived attacks, rejection, or belittlement. It's a natural instinct. However, these defenses can become overly ingrained, causing us to react defensively even when it's counterproductive. Defensiveness stems from a fear of vulnerability, but it actually fuels conflict rather than resolving it.

I urge you to identify and dismantle your defenses. Becoming less defensive and more open allows for healing. It enables you to give more to your children and to yourself. You might even find yourself better able to tolerate interactions with your ex. These internal shifts are fundamental steps that are often overlooked.

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